Solve Your Own Problems, Don’t Tell Me What Mine Are.

A guest blog article by Nikki Patin (artist, mother, world citizen)

I’m so over conversations about bigger people “needing” to lose weight and everyone expressing their “concern.” Folks aren’t concerned when people drink, drug, and pill their way into oblivion. People look the other way when they watch people get thrown into walls or hovered over and screamed on or hit in public. People invent every excuse to not speak to or support survivors of sexual violence.

Yet, we’re all so “worried” about bigger people.

No, we’re not worried about people’s health. Not really.

We’re worried about people’s size and appearance: that they’re too big, that they “don’t dress for their shape,” that we can see too much of their flesh, that they jiggle or wiggle.

My body=my business.

Whatever I need to do to take care of it, whatever I need to learn to do that, is my business. This life is a process and so many people who stay in business not their own (i.e., the bodies of other people) usually have some deep issues they’re avoiding.

Fat people aren’t children.
We’re not stupid or sad or lazy.

This is just one area of my life that I haven’t figured out yet. My relationship with that is mine and mine alone. It is not a group conversation because my body is not a democracy. The only person who gets a vote is me.

I have lots of ways that so many of you could improve that I keep to myself because how you choose to live just isn’t my business. I wish more of you would put as much effort into reading, organizing, and being creative as you put into working out. I wish more of you would work out your heart muscle and be more empathetic, listen more and judge less. I wish more of you wouldn’t drink or smoke so much, wouldn’t pop prescription or OTC medication for every little ailment.

My wishes mean nothing in the context of folks’ lives and what they’re struggling with. It’s so easy to look at the outside and draw all kinds of snarky conclusions. As much as you may wish that I and other fat people lose weight, so I wish that you lose your superficial, spiritually bankrupt narcissism.

We can’t always get what we want.

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151 thoughts on “Solve Your Own Problems, Don’t Tell Me What Mine Are.

  1. There are a lot of people who care about a certain appearance without diving into what is actually under that appearance. But not all of them. That is just a statement of generalization to say that people exercise to look skinny. I myself exercise just to get in shape and make my organs live a little longer. Simply living a healthy lifestyle. I know a lot of people who are exercising to keep their lives running or because their doctors suggested that. Unfortunately some people do not mind their own business, but they talk about other people and sometimes they even bully them because of their appearance. We are in the 21st century and some people are still caught in the time where they whisper behind each other’s back. The most important thing is if you believe in yourself, others don’t matter like Bernard M. Baruch once said “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

    1. Yes, it’s up to the person on how they want to live their life even eating unhealthy food and becoming big, just as long as they know what the outcome is going to be. It is suggested not to live that life but if the person chooses to be like that, they shouldn’t be discriminated against because of that. But if a professional such as doctor does suggest that you need to change your lifestyle because of the health issues. You should take it in consideration because you really are only hurting yourself and even the people you love because they don’t like seeing you like that. That could apply to anyone such as a drug user or even a heavy gambler.

      1. I completely agree with this statement. It is of course that individuals own choice whether they want to eat healthy and exercise, however, if their health is at risk, and their own doctor suggests that they work on their weight, then that is definitely something they should do. If someone was abusing drugs drastically and their doctor suggested they stop due to the harmful effects it has on their body, then they should as well. Being judgmental towards anyone whether it is someone who is overweight or someone who drinks too much is not okay, but considering your own health is essential.

    2. That’s a very good point, not everyone exercises to be accepted in society. Along with Shahla I myself exercise daily to stay fit and healthy. It’s all in the mindset of the beholder. Outside judgments are irrelevant to the person in control of their own body.

    3. I agree that people should exercise to keep your body healthy and running, but working out to be skinny isn’t a bad thing. People judge others who work out to get a certain look, but isn’t that their choice too? Many don’t acknowledge the other side of the spectrum. People who are heavier are judged because they don’t do anything to get into shape and live healthy, yet the ones that do work to live healthy and be thin are judged because they want to look like “what people should look like in society”. Personally, I work out to stay thin and be heathy and I don’t care if people judge me because it’s my choice and not anyone else’s.

  2. I agree with your point, on people being little over judgmental sometimes but you also said “This is just one area of my life that I haven’t figured out yet.” I think judgmental looks or what not is one way for people to offer help. Although The judging look might only look judging to you (you are probably just paranoid from being discriminated in young age). Most people don’t really care who you are from the outside as long as your a nice person.

    1. I am not sure I agree RomanEmpire. I think there are many who care enough to judge and discriminate. I was raised poor and we moved constantly, and it left me being judged and discriminated against. I had to fight for everything. I am not alone in this. And how can judgement help someone? It isn’t constructive at all.

      1. I have to agree with BonnieJean on this one. A judgemental look is a mean insecure person that should mind their business. I don’t see how it would be a way to offer any help.

      2. Even though some aspects of judgment are bad if you look at them from a negative point of view. On the positive side judgment can help improve peoples negative social characteristics. Judgment gives the person a chance to prove people wrong or embrace the stereotype.

      3. It’s very true, I agree with Bonniejean, judging people right away can have a big impact on their lives. They might feel excluded or insecure in social gatherings. But there are people who do not let these type of judgments affect their lives and I think that’s what makes them stronger. It’s enough if you approve of yourself and you believe in yourself because the rest of the world does not matter.

      4. I think it all depends how people see judgment and how sensitive they are to the subject. Telling someone that is obese that they aren’t good at life because they are like that is not a way to go about it. We should tell people their flaws in a form of advice and support the person no matter what their choice is. I could tell someone to lose weight because it’s good for their health but it’s only up to the individual whether they see it as a judgment or advice. When I tell that to someone I mean no harm it’s just advice you don’t need to take it. I’m still going to view you as another human being that needs to be treated equal.

      5. I have read many of these comments, and there seems to be an overwhelming number of people who say judgement is never a good thing. Just to make sure I’m on the same page as the others, my understanding of judgement is making assumptions based on quick, non-in-depth observations. To say that these assumptions are never a good thing is simply silly. Our world revolves around judgement. Of course you don’t always get the full story, but (and I’m sure others will agree) I don’t have time to hear the sob story of every individual I need to gain a quick opinion of. Judgement and assumption are the driving forces behind the very useful methods of criminal profiling, job interviews, and everyday interpersonal interaction. Is judgement always a bad thing? Not even close.

      6. Sadly, judgements are part of life. But some judgements lead to discrimination. And those are not necessarily good. For instance, some people have a medical condition, are overweight, and do everything they can to lose weight. They are judged as lazy and dismissed. When in fact, they are anything but. While judgements are part of life, the author was getting at the idea that we need to take a few seconds at least and think about the judgement we are making. And then take action in a manner that may help more than hinder.

    2. I don’t think any type of judgment is good towards any one, I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if someone discriminated towards you over a petty reason such as being too tall or too short. Especially if it’s a stranger that doesn’t know you, people shouldn’t judge because not everyone is going to be perfect, everyone will have flaws in our eyes because of what is embedded in our head how a person should look. Judging will hurt the person that is being judged and it could have long term affects that could be bad. You mention that that Nikki might see a “judgmental face” but it may really not be, maybe that person has an angry face towards everyone and you just happen to be one of people that see’s that face. I don’t think facial expressions of anybody should get to you unless you know for a fact they’re giving you a judgmental face about your weight.

      1. I agree with your point on the overreaction of people because of some face expressions. But you see the big difference between being judged over being too tall or too short is that you can’t do anything to change. While being overweight is changeable.

      2. Any kind of judgement shouldn’t be acceptable, however, we still do it. Gossip, dirty looks, rude comments, etc. it is all still done. I will admit I have made judgements before, am I proud of them, not so much, but we can’t completely say how judging is such a horrible thing and go ahead and do it. I do believe it’s awful and I do everything in my power to avoid making them because it only hurts another party. We say judging is bad, but why don’t we all follow through with those statements by not doing it? Society needs to encourage constructive criticism more than anything because that enforces a positive outcome the person can work towards.

    3. I would also have to disagree with you romanempire judging people is not a good thing for anyone. It is hurtful to the person who is being judged. Simply saying it to someone would hurt their feelings. I believe the proper saying is treat people the way you want to be treated. If you wouldn’t like people saying things about you why would you say things about them? None of us are in a position to judge anyone because we don’t know the battles that individual has fought and we can’t walk a mile in their shoes.

      1. I disagree with you RomanEmpire. Any type of judgement is not good. Whether it was for a good or bad reason. There are several ways of telling someone that they should change themselves. You can give an advice or a suggestion to someone. Rather than judging them. How would you feel if someone will be judging you? No one likes to be judge by anyone because someone is directly pointing out at you. Or may be insulating you in a public place. Judging other people don’t won’t help. It can cause more problems for them.

    4. I definitely disagree with you, RomanEmpire. Judging someone is never a form of helping them. Judgmental people and actions have the power to completely negatively affect someone’s life. Judging is a form of bullying, and how many times have we heard about kids committing suicide for being judged on their physical appearance, sexual preferences any many other aspects of their lives? It happens all the time, and no, it does not mean they are just being paranoid. The fact is, people who are overweight get stared at and belittled on a regular basis due to societies expectations of what we should look like. Now a days, being a nice person doesn’t get you as far as being a beautiful person. It is unfortunate, but true.

      1. I agree with you JessicaW01. Being overweight causes people to stare. It is just plain rude. Although obesity is a problem in our society, it doesn’t give anyone the right to decide what is beautiful. I believe that everyone is beautiful no matter their shape or size. It is very unfortunate that the beautiful person gets more respect over the nice person, as you said. Its on the inside that counts.

  3. Obese people do indeed “need” to lose weight, it’s simple anatomy and physiology. However, those who are of normal proportion aren’t “worried” about obese citizens, they just don’t agree with their lifestyle, much obese people don’t agree with the lifestyle of being physically active. If you don’t agree with the lifestyle, that doesn’t mean you have to be “worried” about them not being like you. From a healthcare perspective, yes we are worried about obese people. Obesity is a major precursor to chronic illnesses including diabetes, heart failure, and cancers. Working as a nurse on a cardiac unit, I would say that 75% of my patients are either overweight, have smoked at some point in their life, or have been drinkers at some point in their life. The same goes for the heavy drinkers and smokers, the healthcare field is worried about you because you are damaging your body. We understand that you can do what you want, but the education is there. If people would start to make the easy fixes to avoid chronic conditions, the healthcare dollar per capita would be less

    1. It’s obvious that obesity is a big issue in our country that’s killing our people. We could only advice the citizens so much of what not to consume because of the bad consequences such as smoking cigarettes or not eating processed food. Me as smoker I understand that it’s bad and people are disgusted by it. Hey I don’t blame them, cigarettes are disgusting but I smoke them because it’s relaxing for me, but still nasty. So I could understand why Nikki mentions the “my body=my business” yes I think it’s okay to do what you want to your body just be knowledgeable about the damage that all harmful things are doing to you.

      1. I would have to agree with you Wilbert. People who are self-couscous about their weight should be aware of what they are doing for their body, but it’s still no one’s concern on how they treat it. Your smoking analogy hits it right on the button. Just like smoking is bad for, eating unhealthy is too. With that said if your happy with who you are don’t change yourself to accommodate other people

    2. I’m going to have to disagree as well Roman. Obese people are certainly aware that they are differentiated from the norm, being told that by other people will only further hurt their self esteem. I think that encouragement is the only thing that could positively influence an obese person. Being judged by their physical characteristics is not how anyone wants to be perceived.

      1. I agree in the sense that, yes, you don’t want to damage their ego or self-esteem. I have to disagree with telling people that they may need to lose weight ONLY when it becomes a health concern.I wouldn’t want someone to continue living an unhealthy lifestyle if they can help it. However, I believe in positive encouragement always if they are just a little overweight because sometimes that can’t be helped when genetics play a role too, which many people forget. No one should be judged, but they do deserve help if they medically need it.

      2. It is a fact that obesity is doing harm to people. They are eating process food and using drugs. People do use cigarettes to make them relax, or it releases stress for them. It is a bad thing too, but nobody judge those people. But it’s their choice because they are the one who decided to choose it. If someone is really concern about their appearance they need to go to the doctor. They will help them give the best advice as compare to the people.

    3. It’s true, being overweight is harmful to your own body, however, I don’t think that what the author of this article was getting at was the fact that she does not agree with the life style of healthy people. She was merely stating that she believes people who are overweight are looked down on and belittled. It’s one thing to be told by a doctor that you need to change your habits, it’s another being told by someone who is not a professional and is clearly saying it to be spiteful.

  4. Hey Nikki I understand where your coming from but in todays world “Gossip” is uncontrollable. With social media business booming (Facebook,twitter,instagram etc.) people are going to exchange opinions hence the “comment” slot under each and every post someone makes. People are very judgmental just as you are towards people that use drugs and alcohol. We all have opinions whether they’re said or not so the best we can do is stay true to ourselves and let people think what they’re gonna think because in the end how we perceive ourselves is all that matters. Hope this helped from a different frame of reference.

    1. I agree with you Matthew, she seems pretty judgmental toward the drug and alcoholic users but it seems that she is more focused on the issue that people speak about obesity because she belongs to that group. Nikki needs to stop think about what she said and that is “folks aren’t concerned when people drink, drug, and pill their way to oblivion” I’m almost positive drug use has been an epidemic in our country and I’m pretty sure that’s why we have Division of Drug Control to take the drugs of the streets, and we also got policy officers cracking down on drunk drivers. If someone tell you about your weight or an issue that could affect your health don’t take it as an insult, or the wrong way.

      1. Agreed Wilbert. Everyone is judged by society for any act that contradicts a norm. For an obese person to binge on very unhealthy foods can be just as harmful to the body as a drug addict abusing drugs or an alcoholic abusing alcohol. Its like the saying “Pick your poison”. Although the poisons may be different in this case, they’re still harmful.

      2. I only partially agree with what you two are saying, Matthew and Wilbert. Yes, people need to accept the reality that everyone is a judge, and that there will always be forms of prejudice and discrimination we will undoubtedly face from others; Even Nikki herself expressed some bias towards people suffering from drug addiction. She also mentioned that normally she “have lots of ways that so many of you could improve that I keep to myself because how you choose to live just isn’t my business.” When regarding unnecessary judgement, I think we could at the very least try to make the situation better, and I think that by writing this article, Nikki was trying to spread awareness of her side of the story. You may not appreciate that one may be sensitive to such a topic, but that is also the reality of it. If somebody’s going to be nasty to another person, one shouldn’t expect the victim to simply excuse it since “gossip is uncontrollable.” I think everyone is entitled to feel upset at times, and to expect a victim of bullying to simply ignore the bully is not only insensitive advice, but unrealistic advice at that.

    2. I would have to disagree with you Matthew, yes people are judgmental, but why continue the cycle if you can stop it yourself. I don’t think she was being judgmental saying that drugs and alcohol are bad she was merely showing an example that people use them and say they are bad. But like you said yourself people are judgmental about everything you have to show tolerance and respect to stop it.

  5. I enjoyed this article! I liked how it was humorous but also very serious. I would have to agree with this article. I don’t think anyone has the right to judge someone by their weight. If someone want’s to eat 50 Twinkies then let them. No one really knows if the person is trying to loose weight anyway unless you know them personally. I actually had a friend that hated herself because of her body. She was beautiful too absolutely gorgeous. It was so sickening to see her go to the bathroom after lunch. She also had a nice body too, but she was in the modeling career. So I feel like the tabloids and magazines and maybe even the people who were interviewing her talked about her weight. Because she wasn’t super skinny and thin. But the body image has changed. It use to be wanting to be stick thin. Now girls want to be “thick” which is another word for being curvy. Which I personally think its better to have some meat on your bones than wanting to be super skinny. Just my opinion.

    1. Yes it’s sad that girls try so hard to have certain body because of the media. I also have noticed how a lot of girls want to have that “thick” body, I think its cools because girls are being more accepting about being big. I think girls worry too much about how they look for no reason, because all guys like different types of girls from thin to big and short to tall. I think girls that worry too much about how they look are insecure about themselves, when they shouldn’t because different people see beautiful differently.

      1. I agree with you Wilbert, but usually at least from what I see the insecurity comes from the household first, Parents, grandparents, and siblings. I know it might not seem right but in my experience that’s where it starts and like deviance once you’re labeled you feel that’s the way you are. We have to encourage everyone to get out of that state of mind and truly become whole within them.

    2. Media actually is affecting people’s self-esteem because they’re showing all these models with super skinny bodies which I think it’s discussing. Their job is to look skinny and fit in whatever they are advertising. It’s important to think positively about yourself and the rest of the people don’t matter. Looking out for your body is good as long as you are following a healthy lifestyle. Many people think that skinny bodies are associated with healthy lifestyles, but it’s not true in most cases. I think following a healthy lifestyle is very important and being fat does not equal to unhealthy lifestyle.

      1. Shahla, social media has definitely done emotional/psychological damage on people especially Facebook. For some reason people feel its alright to say whatever they want behind the computer screen. I’ve often seen very offensive and vulgar language on Facebook in regards to someone’s physical body image. I think we all need to remember the phrase “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.”

      2. Matthew, I agree with what you said. Cyber-bullying is a big thing now and it’s increasing more and more every day. Technology is meant for great things but people take it the wrong way I think. Facebook for example is a great way to connect to friends who are miles away. But some people use that to hide behind the screens and say awful things about others. I love the quote you put at the end and you’re right.

      3. Media does not show the reality of the world. They do exaggeration a lot. They have been showing models and in their bodies. They aren’t teaching that how, others should maintain a healthy life style. People don’t like to follow a healthy life style just because they won’t look skinny. They prefer to have skinny bodies and it’s not good for them. In social networking website people discriminate others just because they are fat.

    3. The media is the root of all evil in my opinion. However, it is essential to everyday life in this modern day and age. Due to this, everyone is subjected to the messages conveyed within the media; this includes young boys and girls who are very easily influenced. When the magazines, internet and television always portray the “beautiful” women as these stick thin individuals, children too will hope to look that when they get older; Making it easier for them fall into potentially dangerous tendencies like eating disorders. You’re right, people should be to look and eat what they want without ridicule, but with the media still presenting this “ideal” look to society, the judgmental looks and statements will never stop toward individuals who are overweight and that is extremely unfortunate.

  6. I enjoyed this article a lot it makes me think of myself a lot. I myself was part of the heavier set; I was never really told about it or was made fun of much because I could work with who I am. My mother would sometimes tell me that I need to lose weight but really didn’t push it on me, and I didn’t care because it really didn’t make a difference in my life. But I also saw it as my body=my business, but sometimes we do need to take care of our bodies because we only get one in our lives. Like the boxer Floyd Mayweather said the body is a human’s holy temple where our thoughts and our actions are done. If we don’t take care of it ourselves who will? For the past two years I have lost weight by staying active and eating well, I think sometimes when people tell you something about your body in a helpful way, we shouldn’t take it wrong way but instead just take in consideration.

    1. Wilbert, I agree with everything you said. Positive attitudes are healthy. You should not worry about what others say and I always say that. Being positive about yourself is the healthiest way of living I think. It’s ok to exercise and lose some weight sometimes because it’s healthier to run around and keep the organs working. But what matters first is the inside not the outside appearance.

    2. I agree with both of the statements above. Living a healthy lifestyle is good for everyone. They should care about their body because we only get one. Even if someone judge you, people should not really care about it. If they do may be they can consider their idea, but that does not mean they need to take it serious. It’s all up to them if they would like to change themselves or no. Being positive about your own self is the best thing.

  7. I do agree with the fact that society has become pretty superficial when it comes to appearances, however, I think people are becoming more accepting with people who are more plus size (ex. plus size models). Personally, I think some people are concerned for others more towards the health issues as opposed to them not looking like a size two model. There are health concerns with being over weight that people need to be aware of because it can cause serious issues.I don’t think we ever want to tell someone, “lose weight”, but if it can cause major issues for your life, then yes I would highly suggest someone to lose weight then. I don’t ever judge a book by it’s cover so I would never judge a person if they were a size 0 or size 18, I am just more concerned about the health related issues that go along with both, either being too skinny or too heavy. There is a happy medium for each and every person that doesn’t mean you have to be tiny, but it means that we should be at our individual healthy weights according to doctors.

  8. I cannot agree anymore with this article. I believe that those who are point out these wiggly jiggly bigger people are those who are most afraid of becoming that themselves. I believe that they fear it when they see and individual who is bigger. If they are concerned about others image then you can safely say that they are more concerned about other people’s opinions and the perception of themselves from others. We understand that they could possible be very concerned for other’s health, but like the article pointed out, how much are we focusing on other health issues such as drug and alcohol produces. The one thing that I can state that is against this article is the fact that coronary heart disease and cardiovascular disease is one of the leading causes of death in the United States. Being overweight, or having severe obesity is a major risk factor. Health prevention in our society is needed more than outpatient care. So for the individuals who are happy with their body type regardless of the weight, must be always aware of the risks of chronic diseases because there is always something that can lead to it.

  9. People seem to forget the simplest of things; “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. Why this is such a hard concept to grasp is beyond me.Calling someone fat won’t make you any skinnier and telling them how unhealthy they are certainly won’t earn you the Nobel Peace Prize.I worry about people who make it their business to criticize others.

    1. Telling people they are fat or using cruel/sensitive words like that are not the way to go because you never want to completely deteriorate someone’s self-esteem. Its a touchy subject for anyone, I believe that the saying, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is a true statement to go by because if you feel gorgeous in your own skin, what does it matter what someone else thinks. Your opinion is what matters the most and you determine your own happiness, not someone else trying to make themselves feel better by insulting you.

      1. Agreed. I think that people dwell on the views/opinions of others far too much. People will chew you up and spit you out if you let them. That’s why self- confidence is so important because at the end of the day, no one is going to love you, like you.

      2. I agree I think that you should be the only one to have a say in how your body looks. I also think that some people have no filter and like saying mean things to people. Some people say things that make themselves feel better but they don’t understand that until someone says the same thing to them and it makes them feel worthless.

  10. I agree with what you are saying I just think that people should try and stay as healthy as they can. Maybe people are saying what they are saying because they actually do care about you and they are seeing things from the outside perspective of life. I do agree that what you do is your choice I totally agree with that. I also agree that people should stay out of your business because your body is your own. Sometimes people are not saying things to hurt but are saying them to help. People of all sizes are beautiful. I do not think that someone should conform to what someone is saying about something just because they were told this or that, I believe in free choice. Some things though are said to help and inspire sometimes though.

    1. Yes I agree, just because people are judging doesn’t meant you should care or pay any attention to them. It’s your life, if you made a decision to be fat own it and stop complaining about others judging you!!

  11. When people are talking about others being over weight and that they need to lose the weight I don’t think they mean any harm by it. Yes, it is your body and is completely your choice to do with it what you want. I just think a lot of people think that doctors and other people who comment about it are trying to be mean and I don’t think that’s it at all. They are just trying to look out for the good of the people around them. As a nation we do tend to butt our noses into things that really aren’t any of our business, but I’d like to believe people are doing it because they care.

  12. Those who tend to be overweight may be discriminated, but what people should also be aware of is that millions of people are discriminated for many other reasons too. For being too dark, too short, too anything. People are discriminated against for countless reasons. People discriminate to cover up there own insecurities. If everyone minded there own business, who would help you through the phase of being discriminated, who would help you through the rough times you may go through because of discrimination. It’s true to some extent that people should mind their business, but at some point in time we all need someone.

    1. I agree. I think that people like to focus on their own discrimination rather than realizing other people are being discriminated against as well. Sometimes it’s like a battle of who is discriminated against the most, but there’s never truly a winner in that argument. It is true that “hurt people, hurt people” and those individuals certainly need to mind their own business rather than projecting their hurt on others.

  13. I agree that no one should tell you how to live your life. The main thing for me is it doesn’t just come from the random strangers you meet. In my girlfriend’s experience she has had to deal with it from her own family too. That can be pretty heartbreaking and kill you self-esteem. Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s beautiful not just because she is my girlfriend but I generally believe she isn’t overweight. We as a society have become accustomed to telling people these things to their faces and think there doing it for the “greater good” the person. Sorry to tell you, you’re a disrespectful jerk! People are affected and sees it as bullying. So why stand there and make someone depressed and kill their self-esteem because you inconsiderate? I always try to use this as an example. What if I came up to you and told you that the one thing you couldn’t possibly change about yourself was a flaw in society and I made sure I came up to everyday to rub your “imperfection” in your face? I bet you will say it wouldn’t be fun, BECAUSE ITS NOT! It’s rude and not thoughtful of the human being you are degrading. Always remember that someone may be fighting a battle they can’t win or can’t figure out but let them achieve that on their own. You have your own battles to fight and they might have already fought that battle and won and they are not the ones rubbing it in your face.

  14. I completely agree with this. Our society is so contradicting when it comes to size and weight. On one end, we are told that we need to be 100 pounds and look like a super model. On the other, we are told that we should be whatever size we want to be because it is still beautiful. Well, which one?! Most people are caught in the same conundrum. So we would we want to force our views one way or another on others? It is their life so whichever end they choose to believe in, let them. Obesity is a problem in the United States but you do not have to take part of it if you do not want to. Exorcising regularly and eating healthy are a lot easier than most people make it out to be.

  15. I couldn’t agree more with this article. The point about people only expressing concern is based on outward appearances is dead on. I think that people only express the need for people to lose weight when they see someone who does not fit the ideal body type that society depicts. I think that there shouldn’t be an “ideal body weight” laid out by the media and society and that people should focus on themselves. People need to mind their own business and stop comparing everyone they come into contact with. Weight and ones health is a true issue however I don’t think people actually care about peoples health and that they are only concerned with the physical appearances deemed negative or ugly by society.

  16. I agree with the author. I think that people are so judgmental nowadays it is disgusting. People will live how they desire and they should be able to without others telling them otherwise. This is something I commonly practice and tell everyone close to me. Don’t worry about what other people think. In fact, those that judge others are really just making up for their own low self esteems. I hope that one day in America we reach a point that either people accept each other, or everyone stops caring about what others say and think. Unfortunately, with how modern times are changing, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

  17. I’m not a person to tell another adult what they can or can’t do. Nor am I going to preach a certain ideal. But the fact is that Americans are adding more and more pounds and we know its not healthy. But this has the same rooted problems as drug addiction and alcoholism, which is some form of other problem. It’s never a good idea to stand in judgment of anyone especially weight. Obviously for the abundant of medical problems that can be associated with weight gain. Though I believe that you can stand up for choices that seem as unhealthy not seeing them as unhealthy is the real problem. This is also when people become hard core addicts and stick to their habits till death. Like when a person continues to smoke even though they have been diagnosed with cancer.

  18. Personally, I work out to keep my body in good condition and to live a longer, healthier life. This is not to be assumed that everyone works out for the same reason as I do. I do not concur that everyone needs to “look great” or be skinny, but I do think everyone should be concerned with their health over their appearance. This goes without saying that I do understand and recognize that some individuals cannot help but to be overweight due to health related issues such as thyroid disease therefore judgement should not be passed. I do also agree that everyone needs to mind their own business about the subject and worry solely on themselves rather than everyone else.

  19. I agree on most all of your points that you’ve made except for one. That point is the fact that people have the right to voice their opinion. Whether it be good or bad, right or wrong, they still are entitled to that. I agree that many people are superficial and base way too much on looks alone, that is what society tells them to do. And most conform. In my opinion, people have the right to do whatever they want to with their lives as long as it does not cause harm to to others. Outside of that, I do not care what other have to say or what others think or do. I know who I am just as you know who you are. And really, the only thing left is to be friends with others that can respect these things and live your life to its fullest.

    1. Although I agree with Steve in that people have the right to think and say what they desire, I reject open, vocal judgement on others regarding superficial features. Although all are human and inevitably pass judgement, there are situations where open judgement is better left non-vocal for the respect of others and their choices. Open ridicule of outward “flaws” only points to insecurity in those who taunt and does nothing but further dig the taunter into their insecurities and the victim into theirs; a lose-lose situation. A society where negative open judgement is encouraged weakens social ties and promotes negative self-worth, self-esteem, and an all around more hostile community. Instead, material that holds the potential for emotional damage is best dealt by those trained in such relevant areas of medicine and psychotherapy. Only when we cease to criticize negatively and understand the pain those with insecurities endure will we make progressive and positive strides to a population more secure with who they are.

  20. I agree on a lot of the points made. People are judged too much on their appearance. However, I don’t think all the conversations about “bigger people needing to lose weight” are just people being superficial and shallow about appearance. There are actual health concerns related to being overweight and obese. People should eat healthy and exercise for their own health. They should keep their comments to themselves though.

  21. Reblogged this on kailonifurlough and commented:
    We live in a society/world that is very judgemental. The media blows unnecessary things out of proportion to make them seem like something that they aren’t. Obesity is a hot topic. Yes it is a world issue but it doesn’t help those people that are overweight. Negativity doesn’t motivate someone if they do want to change. One of the many things people can do to make the world a better is to mind their business or help change lives instead of being negative and making fun of innocent normal good people of the world. I myself am a slim young lady but I have a sweet a soft heart for good people.

    1. Absoulutely. Criticism can be constructive but if expressed in the wrong way, it can be far more destructive to others. I really don’t think telling people what they already know helps them to change and on the half chance that it does, change is still a personal journey.What matters most is the heart anyway, not the insignificant matter that surrounds it.

  22. Things like this always will be a never ending topic because we can’t speak for the world we can only give options and opinions to these type of cases. I believe that if one is happy with their body let them be, why would you worry about someone else’s body when it’s not yours? and just because someone is fat doesn’t they are not healthy, and just because your slim does not make you a healthy person. Even though we don’t have the right to judge people still do it because at the end of the day people don’t like things that doesn’t ”fit in”.

  23. I totally agree. People should mind their business about other peoples appearance. I get called skinny a lot by my family and its not like i can do anything about it. I know im skinny, I don’t need people to remind me that I am. People who talk about other peoples appearance should really think about what the other person think about themselves before saying anything.

  24. I think that there are very specific types of criticism that can be constructive. I mean, the only types of criticism that I would consider to be helpful or productive in any way would be criticism coming from close friends or mentors. And it has to be intended to be helpful. People who claim that they are trying to be helpful, and are looking to be constructive by criticizing someone that they hardly know are just doing damage to that person. You shouldn’t make any judgments or comments about the appearance of an acquaintance. That, in my opinion, can never really be constructive.

  25. As I was growing up, I had always been the short, skinny kid. Throughout middle school however I began to get heavy from lack of any sort of diet. I was the fat kid, the one everyone seemed to single out and pick on. That was my life and it continued on until sophomore year of high school. I finally grew some more, i got a little taller and all the weight seemed to disappear. It was a transformation. I have seen both sides of this life, Shaming someone on their appearance is a terrible thing. Do you think that they have no idea they look that way? Thought we were all taught “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”, that little message in reality means nothing. Words as much as actions can destroy a person in a number of ways. Be kind, positive, and just accept others for who they are!

    1. I agree; people should try and be more positive and sensitive towards others. What I don’t understand is why so many people are so focused on judging others for their appearances. If anything, why not judge something that we can control, like our attitudes or actions? Or at least if one were to criticize, why not make it constructive? I understand that it is human nature to judge others, especially with first impressions, but I think that we need to be more objective and try to get to know a person before labeling them with a blinding stereotype.

  26. I personally believe that people who suffer with being overweight should try and live a healthier life style and get themselves to a point where they are comfortable in their own skin and run no health risks to themselves. However, much like this article stated, that is their own personal choice. Someone who is a size 18 might be completely content and comfortable with what they look like and it is not our place to deny them of that confidence. Most everyone have their own poison that they indulge in, so if someone who is overweight doesn’t belittle a thin girl for going to the gym all the time and taking weight loss pills, then the same respect should be given back. Someone may argue that they judge only to offer guidance and perspective to a healthier life, and although the number on the scale may be lower for them, that does not necessarily mean their life style is all around healthier.

  27. I think the subject of weight has always been a touchy subject and always will be. There is a very thin line between trying to help someone live a healthier lifestyle and making fun of someone. The hard thing is, everyone’s body is different. You could have one person who eats junk food all day, doesn’t move from the couch, and still has the “perfect body” that society looks for. Then you could have someone who works out everyday, eats right, and still is considered “fat”. The body has a limit to what it wants to lose and what it wants to hang on to. I don’t think it matters if a person is “skinny” of “fat”, what matters is their health, but sadly society thinks the other way around. Ultimately, the change in lifestyle has to come from the person themselves. You cannot force someone into a different lifestyle because it won’t work. They will either reject it all together or do it for a while then give up. The need to be healthier, regardless of their current weight, has to come from that specific person.

    1. I definitely agree that you can’t force someone to live a certain lifestyle for the sake of what you want for them to become. After all, we all have our own struggles we are dealing with and should be able to empathize enough to realize that we don’t all value the same things. It is pretty unfortunate that society has become shallow enough to idolize looks before character, to think more of the appearance of a person rather than the health. This leads to such fractured perceptions and expectations on people to be thin, young, curvy, etc, resulting in low self-esteem, and eating disorders. And to think that acceptance is so dependent on which genetics we have.

  28. I think it is an individual’s choice how they treat themselves. They can live healthy and non-healthy too. It all depends on them. But people should not be judging others because of their appearance. It really impacts on other people’s lives because they do care about it. Just because someone is fat, that does not mean they eat a lot. They could have some problems such as, obesity. So those people can’t live their live as they wanted. There is discrimination everywhere, but people need to stop themselves. I am short and people make fun of me. It does not hurt me, but there are people to whom it matters. Especially, I wear a hijab so that does not mean I am terrorist. In a society, everyone makes assumption of each other and judge them so easily.

    1. I agree- judging a person and ridiculing them for not being up to a certain standard can have a huge impact on the one receiving the negativity. While some may genuinely be concerned in regards of health, I think that if a person really cared for somebody they would find another way to express their honest concern rather than showing signs of disrespect. It’s a pretty sticky subject though, and I think that many people who are at some level of concern still may display ignorance and condescension on the topic without even realizing that they sound insensitive.

  29. We as individuals tend to fall as victims to these different perceptions that society has. I think that we as human beings are made to be easily judgmental of others that at times, it leads for us to get into the business of others and it causes for us to want and say something about it. I do agree with the writer of this post that people need to mind their own business when it comes to anything related with our personal lives. Yes, I have been judged numerous times before for different reasons when it comes to my appearance, and these do make such an impact on an individual. Do not get me wrong or anything, but just because a person looks a particular way does not mean you need to make any comment about it. I do understand that some people are trying to help in some way and shape by trying to make a difference for these people, however there are times where individuals do not want to hear anything of this sort. This is based on their personal choice and how they choose to live by it.

  30. This is an interesting point of view considering the obesity that exists in America. You make a great point, especially in the passage that says “fat people aren’t children. We’re not stupid or sad or lazy”. I agree that it isn’t others people’s business to dictate how others should look because being fat is a choice and others should accept that. However, I believe there is a limit and when one crosses that limit then people should be able to have concerns, for instance, if it starts to affect your health. Physical appearance should not matter, health does.

  31. In our society today, it seems that there are many different attitudes regarding body image. The media puts too much emphasis on the shallow things we can hardly control, such as appearances, and mainly defines the word “beautiful” as looking like a copy-paste image of the
    muscular- all leading to a brainwashed mindset of the need to achieve visual “perfection.” Personally, I think it is sort of sad that many people believe that perfection has anything to do with outer image. After all,
    beauty is just an illusion, and perfection can’t really exist, especially when we all have different versions of it. While it is nearly impossible for people to be innocent of unfair judgement, given that it is simply human nature, I think many people need to shift their attitudes regarding how they finalize their judgements. There are too many people who seem to believe that they can either condescend, undermine or disrespect a person based on a narrow perception ruled by stereotypes and ignorance. It is sad to know that so many grown adults are still so juvenile as to assume they know the main struggle of a fat person’s life, or that a fat person is lazy or insecure with their body. We can never know what any person is going through until we get to know them as an individual.

  32. Not only does this article hit the actual problem spot on, but it also is very moving. People are so caught up today in how other people look. Personally, it is pure ignorance when someone is bullied or judged for how they look. We are only human. Young adults and children are the biggest problem in today’s society. I think we should educate our children, and teach them to love everyone no matter their shape or size. I believe that everyone is beautiful and what gives ANYONE the right to decide what is “perfect” or “skinny”.

    1. I agree with kaylacaper, I think the article talked about this issue perfectly. People need to stop worrying about others and more on themselves. Who cares if someone is overweight, they aren’t hurting or offending anyone, so why are people so bothered by it.

  33. I have never read an article like this. I usually read things that persuade others to eat healthy or lose weight, etc. With that being said, I find this particular point of view unique and I would definitely have to agree with it. My parents are persistent on telling me what to eat and how much I should weigh. I just want to tell them that it is my body and I am old enough to know what is right and wrong. I am old enough to know what I should eat in order to become and remain healthier. I don’t like being treated like a kid with no knowledge of health and my body. I am aware that my parents keep nudging me to lose weight because they love me and they want what is best for me. However what if I am already comfortable with my body? What if I like how I look? If that is the case, then I don’t see the need to change anything about myself. If a person is overweight and they are comfortable with their body, let them be. I agree with article in terms of people needing to mind their own business when it comes to their bodies.

  34. People do not know what “minding your business” means anymore. Many are too busy looking at the latest fads and not noticing the true problems of the world. Instead of making an opinion or spreading word about the real problems that America has; we are instead criticizing each other. Along with adding two cents to conversations that no one is having. On the subject of weight or someone having “weight problems”, it’s not up to people of society to be concerned about someone that is aware about their appearance, health, etc. There are citizens that have genuine disorders and misconceptions about their outer appearance, but not many people are concerned about them.

  35. I largely agree with your point. It is not the duty of passersby to comment on, attempt to educate you, and endeavor to remedy your weight. This article is clearly written by someone who has been told far too many times that their weight is bad or unhealthy. These self proclaimed saviors likely were completely uniformed on the details of your life, yet they saw themselves fit to pass judgement on you. Though there are those who’s shoulders on which fall the burden to remind you of the seemingly obvious. They are your family, any medical professional, and our government. Despite blissfully believing we “aren’t children”, we often need to be reminded what is best for us and guided towards it. One must also take into account the fact that while your decisions are (at least they ought to be) your own, they may affect others. Children that adopt a lifestyle from an obese parent for example. There are clearly medical exceptions to this, but it is something to keep in mind none the less.

    1. I agree with your comment Marcus. By reading this article you can see that the person who wrote it has been judge multiple times about their figure. I completely understand that is one’s choice and that no one should be telling you how to look. However, as you stated one should listen to medical professionals. What you choose to look like should be no one else business, I understand. But one should understand that maybe being told by others may be be due to them caring for you. There are many medical problems that begin with individuals that are overweight. Nevertheless, I am not saying that thinner people are the healthiest it could run either way. Obesity is one of the biggest medical problems in the United States and one should always care about their weight. Not because what people might say but because everyone should care about their health. My best advice for people with the same problem would be to make sure they are healthy and if they are this should not be a problem. We are all humans tall, short, skinny , thicker we are all the same and shouldn’t be treated different because of the way one might look. Sometimes a thin person could be less healthy than a person that might be a little over weight.

    2. I agree with you Marcus. You can tell by simply reading this article that the person that wrote this has been affected by the comments of others. I agree with your point stating that one should listen to medical professionals when dealing with problems like this. People should not be judge by their physique. I actually have some friends that are thin but are not as healthy as others that might be a few pounds more. Meaning sometimes thinner people might not be the healthiest. No, I am not saying that one should not care about how much they weigh. As you mention if you are told by a your doctor that you are overweight one should care about what they say and follow a healthy lifestyle. Obesity in America is becoming very popular. Children whose parents don’t maintain a healthy diet might have serious health problems. However, no one should feel that just because someone might not be fit means that they need to loose weight, they might in actually be healthier than someone that starves themselves to be thin. Nevertheless, one should be judge by their physique. At the end, we are all humans tall, short, thin, or being a little bigger shouldn’t make a difference. As long as one is healthy.

      1. That is a great point Janelli about “thin” people not being healthy. I read an article years ago (couldn’t tell you what paper it was in) that talked about a study that determined that women who were about 20 pounds “overweight” bu medical standards were healthiest both medically and emotionally. It is something to think about indeed.

      2. Exactly! Last year I use to weight 150 pounds. People would always tell me I was fine and I didn’t need to lose weight. I disagree with them not only because I had to get new clothes because the one I had did not fit any longer but because I always tired. I went to see my doctor and he said my body fat had increased a lot and that I was over weight. Some people do not know what they are saying there for you should only listen to them. I lost 15 pounds and feel great. Physically, emotionally and mentally. Not only because I can fit in a size small again which really doesn’t matter but because I am once again healthy!

  36. I agree with letting people live their own lives and not judging them because of their weight. This is a very sensitive topic that can offend and hurt people you love or care about if you are not careful how you speak when trying to give advice. I believe that when you tell someone who is over weight that they should lose weight it can only offend them and cause them to feel pain. For I recall telling someone I love dearly to lose weight because of their health and later on finding them crying because of my words. I have come to the conclusion that if people don’t lose weight it is most likely because they are having trouble doing so. Sometimes it is an under active thyroid or simply the lack of exercise. reguardless of the reasons why a person is over weight it is their business and nobody should ever make a comment or judge them because of it. For society as a whole can improve on so many different aspects, being overweight should be the least of our worries .

    1. You are 100% correct Rose. People should NEVER judge others. However, I disagree with you saying one should also not make a comment about someone being overweight. I understand that you tried helping a person you care for by telling them they needed to loose weight. By trying to help them out they cried which I completely understand under no circumstances was what you wanted. But I do believe that if you care for someone you should talk to them about it. Maybe not by telling them that they are over weight since we all know how the media give us that message with thin celebrities. Rather than doing that I would like suggest helping them by taking them out to the gym or making them a healthy dinner and given them a book about healthy meal plans and the importance of a healthy diet. This way you wouldn’t point out the obvious that they most likely know that is they are over weight. Most of the people that are over weight are trying to have a healthier life style but by people reminding them of that might cause them to leave those goals. Then later fall into the temptation of eating more thinking that what they are doing isn’t bring results. At least what helped me a lot while loosing weight was the encouragement of other and them noticing the change. It takes time to see results so people motivating me and helping me def. help me reach my goal.

      1. Janelli, I have learned that when a person wants to really lose weight they will do so. I am talking from experience. In the past I have done the suggestions you mentioned above, only to leave my loved one feeling horrible and resentful toward me. As a mother I assure you I spoke with the kindest, most gentle words I could to get my point across. I told them that we were going to start eating healthier. I tried signing us up for the gym and even bought only healthy food for our cupboards. I went as far as paying $5000 for a summer camp for kids to lose weight. I was very pleased with the results of a 35 pounds weight loss in 9 weeks. This camp had doctors , counselors, and coaches to help with the individual goals of everyone. Although a few years later half of the weight lost was regained, I do not regret the money I invested . I have seen a change in my loved one when it comes to food choices, The is no longer the binge eating of junk food or the mindless eating late at night. I see a young adult who knows that losing weight is not about looking good it is about being healthy. It is about loving yourself enough to make a change in the bad habits that caused the weight gain to begin with. It is about wanting to take a proactive stand on avoiding diabetes, and cardiovascular disease.

      2. Now that you mention the above I can see where you are coming from. Thanks for helping me understand your message Rose. I have also learned that when a person wants to lose weight they will do so as you stated. I know this because it happened to me. As I mention I lost weight last year and I was only able to achieve my goal because it was something I really wanted. So now that you say that I believe your right you can advice and help people but after they realize themselves about their weight problem. If one initiates the conversation about their weight one might hurt them as you mention it happened with you. Therefore, I think that letting them realize it by themselves is the best option. Since at the end you one can do everything they can to help but the person that decides weather or not they want to spend time at the gym and change their eating habits have the last word to say. However I understand is really hard maintain that lifestyle. You see after I lost weight I had to get a second job because of school and I was also a full time student which didn’t make it easy to maintain my ideal weight. I didn’t have much time for the gym neither to cook my own meals as I use to, which me stop at fast food restaurants and get something that was definitely not as healthy as my prep meals. This makes it really hard but unfortunately running from place to place is what the American life is known for.

    2. Rose, saying “being overweight should be the least of our worries” is incredibly dismissive. Denying the painfully obvious epidemic of obesity in the U.S. is terribly short-sighted. Obesity IS a problem and it ought to be at the top of our list to remedy, not the least of our worries. Sadly, it is true there are many aspects of society in need of improving upon, however weight loss needs to be one of people’s priorities, especially in that it is one of the only aspects of society that people control directly. I partially agree with your point that weight is no one’s business but the individual in question. I will refer to my earlier comment in saying it is your business if you are family, a medical professional, or a government official. When it comes to non-specially qualified individuals, they have no business questioning your weight.

      1. Marcus, I disagree with your comment that a government official should make it their business on how much a person should weigh. How would society feel about being monitored on how much they weigh? Suppose the government makes a set of parameters that everyone should follow. We must take into consideration that parameters will include a range of the expected weight allowed. I know many individuals as a Registered Nurse that are under weight according to charts. These people are not considered healthy and many of them simply can not gain weight. Some of these people have high cholesterol and anorexia. Many of them eat large amounts of fatty foods, concentrated sweets, and high sodium snacks all in an attempt to gain weight. We must not be fooled into thinking that only overweight people are unhealthy.

      2. I can definitely see where Marcus is coming from. Obesity is an issue not for society or as a cultural harm, but rather it is what it is- a health concern, and it can also be an environmental one. There are the obvious harms to one’s health that obesity causes, but environmentally speaking, the ever-growing sizes of clothing consist of more an more raw materials to be used. As far out of a comment as that may seem, I feel like it may be worth noting as another concern outside of the sociological and cultural factors.

    3. Rose, I have to agree with Marcus about your statement that being overweight should be the least of our worries. While it is wrong to judge and criticize people, obesity is unquestionably a major problem, especially in the United States. Instead of focusing all of our energy on keeping people from smoking and doing drugs, we should also be putting an equal effort into helping people make better choices when it comes to diet and exercise. You constantly see people bullying smokers to quit, but when you go to McDonald’s you never see anyone go up to a fat person and tell them that they should give up Big Macs. In fact, I think weight problems are causing more deaths and ailments than cigarettes and drugs combined.

      1. I think the best way to promote health is to stop commercializing it. We see fast food chains try to introduce newer “healthier” options, but that still encourages business for them based on name alone. You could see a commercial for a McDonald’s salad and think to yourself, “I want McDonald’s now” and not necessarily have the intent on getting the salad, and the advertisers know that. In short, we need to let people make their own decisions about what’s good for them, and if they don’t know or want to help themselves, then that’s their choice.

      2. I completely agree with you Kevin. Fast food chains like Subway and Chipotle try to make themselves look healthy because they use higher quality ingredients and more vegetables, but in reality they’re just as bad as the rest of the other chains. Subway lunch meat has as much fat, sodium, and calories as a burger from McDonald”s. Burritos from Chipotle may have higher quality meat, but the food still has tons of calories and fat. Plus, if you eat at one fast food restaurant, you’ll likely want to eat at another one, one that’s even more unhealthy. In the end, nothing beats a nice home cooked meal that’s enjoyed with your family. That way you know exactly what’s in your food and don’t have to have a bad conscience about your health.

  37. Unless you’re a doctor or a health expert of some sort, you shouldn’t have the right to criticize or judge people because they’re overweight. How can you tell someone about their problems when you haven’t even solved your own? That’s hypocritical! Even if you are perfect in every way shape and form, it’s not your responsibility to fix people’s problems or humiliate them into doing something about it. I’m sure overweight people know that they’re out of shape. It’s up to them whether or not they want to do something about it. In fact, they may already be taking steps to remedy the problem. Also, we can’t put all of the blame on them for being obese. Maybe their parents did a poor job raising them. Perhaps fast food was all the family could afford when that individual was growing up. Who knows. there’s a whole laundry list of reasons why someone could be out of shape. In the end, it’s their responsibility, not ours.

    1. Isaac, I agree with your comment that only health professionals should have the right to devise a plan of care for individuals with weight problems. Certainly not the government, there are other problems in society such as with drug abuse (prescribed medications) alcohol abuse and tobacco abuse that need to be addressed. I especially like the point you make about some families can only afford fast food. This is definitely the case for many individuals. Another important point to make is the fact that every fast food chain offers to super size your meal and the bigger the better according to fast food chains. Nevertheless we must remember that everyone is impacted not only by what they consume but by genetics. Yes, I agree that in the end it is everyone’s individual responsibility to be at a healthy weight for their body.

      1. Rose, you misunderstood what I meant by government intervention. I am of course not calling for some type of totalitarian government regulation that punishes those who fall outside of prescribed weight parameters. We all know the BMI doesn’t work already, there are just too many shapes and sizes of people to have a regulated index. That is why I agree body weight should not be the focus, being healthy should be. It just happens that when you are grossly over weight, you are probably not very healthy. What I AM saying is that government ought to step in much in the way it stepped in with tobacco. You don’t see commercials and advertising for cigarettes and tobacco anymore, do you? Well what about commercials and advertising for fast food aimed at children. This is a MAJOR contributor to childhood obesity. Serving sizes should be regulated, just like they are in most of Europe and England especially. Imagine if people weren’t getting those “super size meals” as you mentioned above. There is unfortunately a fear of government stepping in and making the necessary changes. When former New York mayor Michael Bloomberg and New Jersey governor Chris Christie tried to introduce legislation to regulate sugary drink sizes, they were shot down. The American people need to learn to work with their government to achieve what is best for them.

      2. Marcus, I do think you are right, to some degree. If we take focus in advertising off the fun of the meals or limit it to non-children’s programming then it may help with obesity. There are programs that are helping – the 60 minutes a day of exercise really is taking off. I read somewhere that child weights are down, though I don’t know by how much and if it is continuing to drop.

    2. I agree with you, Isaac. It’s most certainly a shame when judgement is cast upon others when things may very well be out of their control. Like you said, the person in question may be doing their very best to remedy whatever situation they are in. That is not to say, however, that they are just trying to lose weight, necessarily. Rather they are attempting to find happiness within their situation and how they choose to do that is up to them and nobody else.

      1. I should have added that while it isn’t right to judge others, perhaps someone needs that little push in the right direction. If everyone leaves you alone because they don’t want to offend you, it’s very easy to get too comfortable and never improve upon your health. It all depends why the person is criticizing someone. If you’re truly concerned about a friend’s health, it’s alright to give them a little constructive criticism. However, if you’re just being judgmental so you can feel better about yourself, you should keep your remarks to yourself.

      2. Isaac, what a great point. The key to it all is what the motivation is. I have this policy that I will be honest with friends. I tell them the truth, whether it hurts their feelings or not, but I do it in a way that is out of concern. Once I have said my point, then I back up their choices best I can. I don’t judge them, I try to help them. That is a good policy to have – not judge.

      3. While I do think that it’s a good thing for someone to be happy, their health is far more important when it comes to the issue of weight. Happiness should come as a by product of becoming healthier, not the other way around. What good is it to be happy if you die from diabetes or a heart attack at age 40? Besides, if someone is in good shape and health,they’re are probably going to be happy anyway.

    3. Definitely the best option, if you want to try to help someone you care about, is to support them in their time of need if they need that sort of support.

  38. People have the right to be okay with how they dress or their physical appearance. Having the right appeal is overrated because of supermodels and attractive socialites appealing to people who are insecure about their bodies. People feel the need to starve themselves or indulge in drugs to lose weight due to social media propaganda. It’s morally wrong.

    1. Jeremy,
      A lot of people think being thin is what’s right because of everything we see in magazines and social media. Some people are easily impacted by this and would do anything to be thin. People that are already thin or overage weight starve themselves. People do this because they want to look “right” but its only what the media makes people think. I have read about how celebrities have medical issues like anorexia because they don’t have a healthy diet. The media is giving the wrong message people should not aim to look like models. Sometimes models are not even as thin as they appear, a lot of photos are Photoshop. One should only worry about being healthy the figure really doesn’t matter at the end.

  39. I agree with this article. People tend to self destruct into alcohol, drugs or cutting themselves because they aren’t satisfied with their appearance. It is like this today because social media make people offend others just so they can feel cool and take advantage of anyone they dislike. I agree that only health professionals should have the right to take care of people. They try to make you feel safe and secure, not having to make you self destruct.

    1. Jeremy in response to your comment, I agree that people tend to self destruct by incorporating bad habits into their daily lives. Many are the times that people just want to numb themselves with alcohol, food, or drugs. I believe that because of celebrities and their images that have been photoshop in magazines, many people have a misconception of the average body weight and find themselves always comparing their bodies to celebrities and models. I find this to be a huge problem within our culture. I recently went to buy clothes and needed to buy 2 sizes larger than my normal size. This was not because I had gone up a couple sizes, it was because clothes are being made smaller for some reason. This sends a horrible message to young women that unless you are smaller than a size 7 you are viewed as being fat. I have heard of teenage girls starving themselves and even taking diet pills to be smaller and weigh less. Resulting in skinny unhealthy young women.

  40. Although I do agree with the theme the author intended of this article, one part that irked me was where it says, “I wish more of you would put as much effort into reading, organizing, and being creative as you put into working out.” That, to me, seems a bit of a heavy handed statement intended to inspire guilt in others that may be totally innocent. The point of this article is to speak out against judgement against other people’s lives and how hypocritical some people may be when approaching this subject. However, this quote, in it of itself is hypocritical in that it judges others for doing what may be making them happy. In this quote, the article becomes less of a stance against “fat-shaming” and more a proponent of “fit-shaming.”

  41. Personally, I find judgement a fundamental component in our day to day lives. I see it as a good thing, you get judged on your appearance, your success, your performance, and etc… Everything you do, you get judged by someone else. Without judgement you would see yourself as perfect. Judgement is motivation, though most people would say something along the lines of “you shouldn’t let other people opinions change you.” I think it should, not just one person’s opinion no… But when multiple people confront you on the same thing, you should probably start doing something about it. From the points you mentioned earlier people do judge others about their unhealthy habits such as, pills, smoking, or drinking. In fact, people always mention that others should “stop smoking.” Other habits such as pill poppin’ or drinking aren’t so much a public display. The public cannot see what they are doing, but I promise you they would say the same judgmental statements.

  42. I completely agree with everything that was said. The part that stood out to me was when she talked about how if people focused more on their personality and being more positive rather than working out, over all it wouldn’t be as big as an issue. Our society focuses too much on “fat” and “skinny” when there’s clearly body types in between. I feel like people in our society focus so much on outer appearance and don’t try to see what’s on the inside like personality. A person could have a very nice body with a very unattractive personality and visa-versa.

    1. Lohu97,
      Exactly, it’s a package! It doesn’t matter if you have an amazing figure and a horrible personality! Or even worse when people think they are better than others only because of their physical appearance. Some people suffer from medical issues that don’t aloud them to loose weigh easily. Some people might be “fat” without even eating junk food or because they have no control over it. A really close aunt of mine had cancer she is fine now. Thank god! However after all the medicine she consume and chemo she gain a lot of weight. Also people might suffer from depression and eat their feelings out. Unfortunately it is not in the hand of some people to be in shape. There for no one should be judge.

      1. Right! My mom has a thyroid problem that makes her have a slow metabolism which means we could eat the same exact meals but she will gain a pound the next day and I’ll still be at the same weight. The thyroid problem she has can even go the opposite route. Some people have thyroid problems that makes their metabolisms so fast that their stick skinny and can eat as much as they want. So overall you never know why some people are the weight they are because it’s either just a natural thing or medical problem.

      2. Lohu97,
        I am sorry to hear about your mom. This is the reason why I pointed this out a lot of people can’t do anything about their weight. This is a very serious problem since like mention some people suffer from medical problems and by telling them to loose weight might make things worse. For example, if you are trying to help someone by telling them to lose weight while they have a medical problem. They might get affected by it and try to loose weight and make their medical condition worse. Which brings us back to the article one should solve their own problems and not worry about other people problems. At the end its sad because most of the people will always talk whether you are “skinny” or “fat”. If you are too skinny people will argue that your need to gain weigh and vice versa. One will never satisfy people.

    2. Precisely. I appreciate you bringing that up. I wanted to avoid talking on it due to the fact that this article is clearly highly defensive, and we are slightly missing the point. HOWEVER, I must admit I took umbrage at the statement “I wish more of you would put as much effort into reading, organizing, and being creative as you put into working out.” This insinuates that those who work out or endeavor to be fit are somehow detracting from other basic positive qualities. In fact, it is my experience that those who work out or dedicate themselves to a sport usually have the best personalities, most creative minds, most organized life styles, etc. Working out doesn’t make you a worse person, and if that is going to be your argument against “fat-shaming”, then you won’t get very far, and you aren’t any better than the perpetrators of the abuse in the first place.

  43. This all occurred because the media has set a standard list for everyone to meet. Yet, it is harming society who tries to change the way they look. One should worry more on the way they act because beauty wouldn’t last forever, however one’s personality will. Especially if you leave an impact on someone’s life. All of this is just a reciprocal relationship. The media will impact the audience (the people) then the people will later on ‘support or deny it’ whatever it is the people are still giving the media importance. Which then it will fire off into another discussion. Overall, I shouldn’t be told what to do. If they are happy with their decision then, let them be.

    1. Jeremy, Janelli, and Kathy, in most cases, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with the fitness standard perpetuated by the media. Is it a bad thing to go to the gym because I aspire to a popular aesthetic? It is hard to believe that something that motivates people to be proactive about their health and weight is a bad thing. The misattribution of guilt occurs when people argue that they aspire to look like someone you might see in a magazine, and because of this they took diet pills, contracted an eating disorder, or went about things in an otherwise unhealthy way. However, it wasn’t the media that told these individuals to go to an unhealthy extreme. I have plenty of friends who are fitness models, or look up fitness models, and all of them go about maintaining their physique and sculpted aesthetic by completely safe and healthy means. They all saw a body type they aspired to, and decided to achieve it via activities like working out, running, eating properly, etc. To my knowledge, there exists not a single legitimate study to show that there is a correlation between advertising and extreme weight loss practices. If you decide to be unsafe or extreme in your weight loss, at least have the decency to take responsibility for your actions, not scapegoat and say the media made you do it. On another note, it sounds as if you’re suggesting an inverse relationship between fitness and virtuous personality. Spending time in the gym does not detract from your personality, in fact I would argue it does quite the opposite.

      1. Marcus,
        I somewhat disagree with your thoughts. It is clear that the media is not making a positive impact regarding the ideal weight or appearance of people, specially teenagers. I advise you to look at this linkhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/11/target-photoshop-fail_n_4940819.html by reading this and looking at the images that were photoshop you see how the media gives viewers the wrong message about body weight and the way one should look. What the media portrays of what a teenage girl/ boy should like look are unrealistic. It definitely has a negative impact on people that aim to look like them, when the person in the magazine/AD realistically doesn’t look like that either. However, I do agree with you to certain point that the media might also have a positive impact by having magazines such as Fitness or magazines that have small articles regarding ones weight and how important it is to workout 1-3 a week. I think that is a good way to educate people, since only the ones that really need it can turn to this for simply tips That would take care of people hurting others feeling, since they would be the ones buying the magazine. Also, to follow people like on Instagram people that rather than starve themselves as you mention actually maintain a healthy diet and workout. Athletes whose bodies are not photoshop and something that can be achieved by an individual. As regarding your last comment I understand that people are free to make their own decisions, all I am saying is that it impacts society and some people specially young teenagers are being affected by it. They are at an age that don’t think of the consequences. And you are completely right going to the gym does not interact with ones personality. All I was saying was that some people might have a negative personality by sometimes thinking they are better than others by the way they look. Spending time at the gym actually has a positive impact in my personality.

  44. This article really hits close to home for me. Although I may not be overweight in any way, I have always had an issue with people trying to tell me how to live my life. With that being said, I don’t try to tell people how to live their life. I have known many “overweight” people, but how in any way is that my business? Who knows their reasoning for why they are the way they are. I’m sure they know they have weight issues so who are you to go tell them about how you also agree that they are overweight? Talk about unfair. Let people take care of their own issues. If they wanted your advice they would ask for it.

  45. This article does a decent job of describing the hard truth that many people do not know how to mind their own business. While I agree that people are allowed to live their lives the way they want, I also agree that people should be allowed express their opinions on the matter if they are genuinely concerned. I know that I am not in the best shape, but if someone close to me says something about my weight to me, I do not like it but I know that they are only saying something because they are concerned about my health. I will disagree with this article where the author says, “Folks aren’t concerned when people drink, drug, and pill their way into oblivion,” because there are people close to me, that I love and care about deeply, that have struggled with addiction and I will be the first to tell you that the people around them are/were deeply concerned. In some cases it doesn’t matter what your fault it, be it weight or addiction, people that care will only tell you something you may not want to hear because they are trying to help you. I do agree that others, however, need to mind their own business.

  46. Humans are naturally flawed but varying in many different ways. Obesity just happens to be a problem that everyone can see. The people who “try to help” by making comments don’t know what it is like to struggle with obesity and in their head they think “I would change my whole lifestyle to be thinner, so why don’t they?”. I disagree with the author’s argument that people aren’t worried, there is no way of proving that people don’t care about drug or alcohol abuse because most definitely people do. The things that people say that come across as offensive might not be malicious but misinformed by our society. It is then our job to educate them and teach them how to act so they can learn for the future.

  47. This article is beyond accurate. We, as humans, don’t realize half the things we do because its out of habit. We are so use to generalizing people and profiling them right away without getting to truly know them. I don’t like to think that I am a so called “scared” person but in some ways I am. We all are afraid of the unknown and what may or may not happen. We criticize others to get some sort of satisfaction out of it sometimes. We also do this to make us feel better about ourselves which is horrible. I believe that we need to teach our youth the importance of human life because we are so fortunate to live these lines we do. We take the simplest things for granted and don’t even notice it.

  48. Although this was posted before the “Dear Fat People” video on youtube, I find it highly relatable. I’ll summarize for those who haven’t seen it: skinny girl tells “fat” people to eat fruit and work out. I couldn’t believe what I was watching and the worst part was that she was being serious. There are so many things that go into how much a person weighs, and none of it is anyone’s business but theirs! I feel like as a society we are so unnecessarily involved in other people’s business, and enjoy telling others what to do. Instead we should be teaching people to love and accept their bodies. This does not mean, however, we should encourage unhealthy habits, but a person has the right to do what they want, it’s not anyone’s call but their own.

  49. People are extremely nosey when it comes to others bodies. We live in a word where skinny girls are glamorized and adored. Social media and sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, are flooded with images of skinny, fit, perfect women, and celebrities. Unfortunately young girls don’t know that they are photoshopped, and sadly the whole debate about being skinny is exposed to young people even sooner in age now a days. People all have different body types, to me it doesn’t matter, I look at people the same. The way I look at it is we all have our problems, we all have our insecurities, nobody is perfect, so why comment or judge someone for the one thing you can see about them. It’s just not fair!

    1. I totally agree with you on how social media today is all about skinny models showing off their “perfect bodies” but in reality they did that to themselves because they had to. I will admit I do follow a lot of Victoria Secret Models on Instagram because recently they had their annual fashion show about a week ago. But I love that they don’t only show their modeling pictures but they also show the real side of them. Girls have different sides of them that they are both proud to show off to people.

  50. This article portrays the shallow nature in which society is conditioned. Conformity in appearance and hostility towards those who deviate is heavily engrained in our society. There is a huge double standard when talking about something unhealthy as soon as it involves appearance. As stated alcoholism, cigarettes, and drugs initiate less concern than someone’s weight, which is largely dependent on genetics and background. What body type someone has is largely genetic as is skin tone, my own genes should not be of concern to anyone but myself whether that relates to skin, body type, or anything else.

  51. I strongly disagree, as I watch my mom, my aunt, my grandfather, and many others I love struggle with being overweight. I do tell them they need to lose weight so they can be healthy, confident, live longer, and do things a lot easier. People who are overweight themselves are most likely to raise children who are as well overweight. That’s awful to think of. Also you mention people not caring about the druggies or the alcoholics, but I care about them as well. “My Body = My Business” Can be applied for people who also do heroin, but guess what? It’s bad for you! Whether you’re a druggy, alcoholic, or overweight, none those are healthy especially when raising kids to be productive people of society.

    1. I think being overweight could also be a systematic problem due to life struggles. I think being overweight is an addition to socialization because people put these people within groups and have a whole different identity for themselves than what other people do. Along with being druggies or alcoholics people in society may classify them as this but they might see themselves differently. The habits of an individual effects the people around them which is why people speak up to help someone who they love such as what you did with your loved ones.

  52. I like this blog because your overall statement that I attained from your thoughts is to “don’t judge”. Everyone struggles with something whether its academically,socially and in this case physically. I agree you shouldn’t judge people off of their physical attributes, but you should judge them by what is on the inside of them. Its okay to try and help people but you shouldn’t discourage them by using remarks that are offensive or keep bugging a person to do something base off on your on vision on what they should do or what they should be. You can suggest something but it is their life and they can do what ever they want with it. People come in all shapes and sizes for a reason because we are all unique in our own way. we should let people have their own lifestyle and let them mold their own individual self identity.

  53. I think the message here is that people are too concerned with other people’s business these days. I have a number of larger friends, and I treat them no differently from any other friend. The way I see it, they are well aware of their own weight. If it isn’t a problem to them, it shouldn’t be one to you. If they bring it up, feel free to give them helpful advice, but don’t bring it up yourself. In places where people are not afraid to speak their minds about themselves and others, those same people need to keep their opinions to themselves.

    1. Connor, I also agree that people should mind their own business. They shouldn’t even be talking about people’s weight. You never talk about weight with people. Some people just don’t think about the effect it’s going to have on the person they are talking about. People aren’t going to learn until something is said to them .

    2. Connor I agree with what you said, people are concerned about other people’s problems these days and they thing they can help but they can’t. People are the way they are. If they are obsessed with their bodies then they are obsessed with their bodies, if you don’t like what they are doing, keep your comments to yourself. They won’t change who they are.

  54. Yes girl you tell them! I like how you worded without being mean. I’m the opposite I’m really skinny and people are always telling me what to do. Everyone is always telling me what to do, how to eat more, what to eat I’m just like please stop. I keep telling them stop judging a book by its cover if you really knew me you would know that I eat A LOT and gain no weight. I always tell people I can say many things about you but I choose not to because I am too nice of a person to do any of that. I like how you said my body= my rules I think that’s the perfect motto to say to people who don’t mind their business.

    1. I loved when you say “stop judging a book by its cover” Everyone judges people by how they look or how they act, but they really don’t know what is going on with them personally. I also eat a crap ton of food but I somehow never gain the weight form it. Which is weird, but I kind of don’t mind it! My body is my body and if you don’t like it, then sorry!

      1. Maddie, OMG yes I agree with you when you say “my body is my body . Why are other people worried about what I’m doing and what I’m eating , like man mind your business. People shouldn’t judge people by how they look they should judge them by their personality and start asking them questions to get to know them see how they really are.

  55. So many people point out when how bigger or smaller a person is. But skinny people are idolized where as big people are looked at differently, not knowing their situation. Maybe losing weight isn’t in their hands because of their health situation. Maybe they just need motivation and not your judgment and their body. Maybe they’re comfortable in their body as they are and you’re no one to pass comments on that. Why don’t they think that bigger people can rock that body hugging dress just as skinny people can or maybe even better? When they talk about equality, where’s the equality when a big and a small person are judged based on their looks? No one is perfect, no matter how big you get or how small you get, and you can certainly never satisfy people.

  56. I agree that in most cases your body is your business and your business alone. In some cases, though someone might need someone else to get them started on losing wright and getting into shape. Sometimes someone has a problem that they need help with and are too shy to ask. I think that in some cases people actually want what is best for that person when they say lose weight, even though that is not true with all cases. I also think it is an overgeneralization that people aren’t concerned when others are drinking or pill their way into oblivion.

  57. I agree we can’t always get what we want, but some people drive for what they want in life and they succeed. I understand that most people don’t care about others but maybe they have tired helping others but maybe things just didn’t turn out they were suppose to. Yeah people care more about themselves but maybe thats how they get around things. For instead working out is a huge thing for men and working out to them and caring for their body gets things of their minds that has been bothering them lately. People are different in their own way.

    1. Maddie, I agree that you can’t always help people if they don’t want to be helped. I also agree that people are different that the want to do things their way and when they want to do it. What would you do if you where in this situation? Would you keep pushing them until they actually tried or would you just let them do whatever they want?

  58. I would try to push them but not fully push them to the point where they can’t do it anymore. I would give them their space they need and hopefully they get through whatever they are having trouble with. I am the type of person that can help anyone that needs it but if they don’t want it and can figure things out on their own, then good for them!

  59. Obesity is a problem and unfortunately you can physically see it. I Feel like when people try to help they can come off as being judgmental because there not dealing with the same problem. I do feel like you shouldn’t push away help though. If the person is giving good advice in a respectful manner, why not take it instead of getting mad about it?

  60. I agree with this a lot, people are always ‘worried’ about others. They always focus on other peoples’ business when they should be focusing on their own. There are a lot of judgmental people out there and they are always trying to find something to pick at. I think judging someone on anything, for example, looks, is just wrong. Since they aren’t you they have no idea what you are going though, what you have been through, or why something it the way it is. This is the ultimate reason why individuals should mind their own business. The judge based off what they can see, I wish people were more understanding so that they would see that there are other reasons for things deeper than the surface.

  61. I agree with the point your trying to say that people should mine their own business but unfortunately in this world judgements will always be said and it is a “free country”. I feel that in many ways the rude remarks people say about overweight people are extremely unnecessary and are overboard. But at the end of the day everyone is entitled to their own opinion but there’s certain things that should be left unsaid and someone’s appearance is one of them and a lot of the times people who ridicule someone is because they are insecure themselves and pointing out somebody else’s flaws can make the next person feel better about their own insecurities but that’s wrong but at the end of the day ignorance is bliss and people will be people.

  62. Personally, I know I hate it when someone tries to tell me what to do with my body. If I want to eat a cheeseburger I will. If I want to eat a salad then I will. Why does it matter what I’m putting into my body if it doesn’t affect that person? I feel like in society today, people are more concerned with physical appearance then anything else. If you aren’t a certain weight they think is acceptable, you aren’t good enough. When judging someone before you even get to know them is exactly why there is a lot of close minded people in the world. Putting someone down does not raise you up.

  63. I love this so much. We are all on our own unique journey and for anyone to tell us we should fit into their perfect little world is almost humorous! This isn’t your world but it is a world that we all share. We should be thankful that we are all so quirky and original otherwise it would be a real boring, bland world. Feeling the pressure of society and peers is a real burden to carry that is HIGHLY unnecessary. Like the article stated, my body along with my life isn’t a democracy. It only gets my vote. I understand when others may guide us with love but being a condescending snark does NOT look good on us.

  64. This is so true, society expects a perfect body image to succeed in life, but forgets about other more important attributes. However, I do tell my niece to lose weight only because of health issues. If she wouldn’t be complaining of knee pain and shortness of breath, I wouldn’t be saying anything to her. I just want her to enjoy a pain free and active life. I understand we should mind our business, but when someone’s health is on the line we have the right to give our opinion and advice to go see a doctor.

  65. All hail this post, and the beautiful soul that wrote it! One of the movements that I hold close to my heart is the body-positive movement. Loving your body is HARD! It is made so much harder by the messages that society spews at us in a pathetic attempt to make money off of the insecurities of others. “Buy this cream”, “Buy our detox tea”, “Try our liposuction!” “blah blah blah, give us your money.” I’m a huge fan of the “mind your own business” concept. I totally understand that in many cases people may want to share their opinions regarding weight (especially with those they love and worry about.) My father has type two diabetes so I get it, I really do. But is there a better way? Can we tell these people we love them and we worry about their health regardless of their weight and just make sure they’ve gotten a regular check up? Lets be real here. If you tell an overweight person “you’re too big, it cant be healthy” are we telling them something they’ve never heard before? No. Overweight individuals struggling with health issues are well aware that they need to lose weight. They may want to. They may not, But they KNOW. In a world that profits off of our insecurities, THEY KNOW. Like the author said, fat people aren’t stupid. They’re people, just trying to get through their day. They don’t need your opinions. Most importantly: Larger bodies do not necessarily mean unhealthy bodies!!! Many overweight individuals work out, eat healthy and will still carry around extra pounds because of postpartum weight, a drug they may have to take for another medical issue unrelated to weight, or just because not every body has a high metabolism. All bodies are good bodies. We need to let these people live. Encourage and love them and let the medical professional’s handle the rest.

  66. This post really spoke out to me due to the fact that my little brother is currently overweight according to his doctor, my parents even decided to get him a dietitian because of his weight and body figure. They shouldn’t be putting this type of pressure or lower his self esteem at such a young age, they should take into consideration he is still a growing boy instead of making him worry about what he eats and how he looks. Society does not do any better to help by always promoting supplements/creams to help you lose weight and get your “ideal bod” this makes others insecurities grow causing them to have a lower self esteem about themselves. People really shouldn’t be judging others on their weight and body image, they should focus more on themselves. Maybe they just need motivation and not your judgment.This article portrays the shallow nature in which society is accustomed too.

  67. This is something that I am very passionate about because in some cases this can link to depression and when someone tells you, “Hey you could maybe lose a few pounds” or “Hey you should go exercise or something” it is very hard to hear because you are in constant denial of what is really going on and you don’t want to hear what other people have to say. But at the same time people should not butt in on other peoples problems, figuring our body image and body acceptance is ones own personal journey and that no one can force you to do anything and that it is only up to you on how you perceive your body.

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